Berpikir juga aku... apa mau taip di blog ni..haha boring kan menunggu anime habis streaming atau buffering.. jadi otaku sudah aku ni utk satu malam...terserempak dua tajuk Manga yang menarik dan satu tajuk Anime yang lebih menarik..just my type of story and plot. Both Psycho and Leadership. Bah..ok lah..back to the topic hehe...
Yup2... Well, I guess its fair to first bringing up the histories of my Mind. Development, the ups and downs, source of aspiration, everything (well, maybe not everything. But to the extent that I remembered and significant to be shared in this entry). From the point that I do remember, is the feeling I got from mastering Mathematics in Primary 1. (FYI, I was once in a Chinese primary school. Only to be transferred after founding out Im almost hopeless in grasping to learn Chinese language. Haha...Even communications there in Malay regardless of which race). That feeling for once got 100% marks..LOL XD first time in ma life bah tu.. Considering in realizing how easy maths is in Primary level. I guess that's credit to my father maybe. Didnt quite remember. But then, as I advances to Primary 2, signs of deterioration was apparent and proven imminent. For change, punishments both humiliating and excruciatingly painful either home and school was unavoidable. Obviously, considering the tenderness of my age back then, most of the times Im being indifferent with such situations. fantasizes all the time and entertainment was all that I ever chased all the time. Being average felt suffice at those moments. But deep down in me, day to day, exams till exams, results to results, I begun to aware of my 'Envy' towards those others who excels. Being a Scorpio, its unavoidable of me to felt such feelings. Of course few of the Scorpions individuals characteristics is competitive, determined, easily-jealous, etc. However, I do know lah as to how to suppress them in particular situation. Being envy in the good way. Slowly, thriving to be better and compete with the best. Comparing results and all.
Finding out WHAT is the thing that I do have in strength, I found of course English language. Believe me, most of those came from watching constantly English cartoons in Disney Channel through Astro. Winnie the Pooh, Barney, etc. Its quite easy back then in determining grammar of a sentence. Comparison was used constantly by me even today, in affirming the correctness of the grammars and spellings of the English words. If I felt that it was wrong, using only instinct? (or whatever, I dont know what to call it. Memory I guess) , I would correct it by then. Spelling however, if I cant remember it, I would spell by the sound of the word. haha Naive I guess. But it works occasionally.
One of the significant influence that is vital to be highlighted is about my Thinking. I mentioned about this in my other blog of the My Emotion is The Queen of Me. Its about the Imam Syafiee's characteristic of his of being someone that less talks other than things that is beneficial to be talked about. Considering myself that most of the time is a quite one, I am amazed that few of the great Imam Syafiee's characteristics was in fact shared in common with me. Plus, having my childhood that was full of Animes when first introduced by such great animation, I learnt a great deal of things within the stories and colors of anime that I became who I am today.
Afterwards, advancing another major stage of education,.Im beginning to stand out for the first 6-7 years of study and constantly being praise and taken exampled of. But yet, its really sad how temporary people remembers of such things. I guess Im not really the type that is consistent when talking about achievements. As people say, Life is just like a wheel. There are times when we were at the top, but later, only to found ourself declining. From that onwards, somehow I felt a brief despise over compliments. They're only temporary in effect given by other people. It also makes us to be conceited. Proud. maybe too much. From that moment, I seek something greate than just a temporary success. I seek one that fulfils absolutely my goal of life. Something where one day, I can say proudly to myself in deathbed before leaving this world, "I do not have any regrets."
Having attained such achievement only to lose it later, I somehow going through another moments of declining . back to being an average student. But only to found out that friends around me, to be in much worse situations. Its awkward, when youre just really average, but still the best among others. Realizing this, suddenly, Im in thirst for way more than that. Thirst for competition. Thirst of becoming better. Dying for rivals to brought me up again and supasses them with my own hands. As no one to be found around me, I decided to competes with those of the best in a distant. For them not even knowing the existence of me, I called that few people whose excels, my rivals. Though, strange, but it came to fruition. Bit by bit until I was accepted to be among them.
Time passes on and I realized, that im in a whole different level. It is much more initimidating and harder when I faces them head-on. Realizing this fact, it turns out finally i can feel originally average yet again. Where this one, you really are an average and there are few that are greater whee you can aim to defeat them one-by-one.
At this moment, Im fully aware that it is time to make a decisive decision. There is no longer any competitiveness to be fought on other than to fight for my dream and ambition . In other words, Im challenging myself to become whom I dreamt on .Thus, we finally reach to the point where everyone has to make decison for themselves and be in the path that they wanted. It is likely most of us will be separated in our own ways, dreams and ambitions. I took one of my own without any hesitation that it is the right thing to do.
So I reached my own 'Path'. Now is the matter of reaching the ends of it. To fulfill my own words to myself, I seek the oppurtinity to improve myself in speaking presentation, debate or any other public speeches more than ever before. As it is decided 'Law' shall be my life-long career goal. But ironic as it may be, I am not the one that was a frequent in talking or communicating with others. Not to mention how shy I am before the Society. But there is no shred of doubtness in me. I know that I had to do it when it comes to it. Thus the reason that I may be a quiet one that didnt really talks a lot. But, believe me, when the situation asked for it, you wouldnt hear me stopping from explaining things.
My inspiration to pursue Law was at first were really simple. Because I've decided it. May not really care if I stumbles along the way. I only had this one dream that I wouldnt give it up. Hell, I wouldnt even care if I am to die fighting for it. You see. Becoming laywer has always been my dream. Passionate in this, I am. That I would even gone to the extent of 'Tapau' this book of 'Intro to Law' book from the library of my school just because I dont have the luxury to go back again and again to the school 's library. Even amazing is that, all the years I've been reading that book, only to ended up being taught the same person who wrote that book!! XD haha.. LOL.. never thought of that. I guess fate brings us together.. Oh well.. Oh yeah another incident that affirmed my determination to pursue this field is that there is this one that really happened in school.
Well, there is this one guy.. My close-friend he is. The guy just sadly, in the brink of a break-up between his girlfriend. As usual what friends do, they share this kind of problems with their friends. he asks my advice and opinions about some things that happened between his gf. Its just that subconsciously, I adviced back passionately to him. Even control his words and actions. What to do if like this, like that. What to say to her, dont say anything if youre not sure, approach me first before approaching her.. Mostly I done that just because he is my dearest friend, but what I didnt realize is that one thing this friend of mine brought up. Basically he just said that I was like a lawyer in the way I done things handling his problems. (Others too claim that I talked like a lawyer. dunno if its true, maybe just because I talked too much when arguing) . That statement really shocked the hell out of me. I mean, I never intended to do it like a lawyer in the first place. Considering what he just said, I cant help but admit that I do. Hidden talent?? haha dunno... It just happened like how a lawyer treat his client. Plus, speaking up wouldnt really be a problem for me. So that is the reason why I wanted to continue on with this dream. How far can I go with this? Can I handle ups and downs of this path and all? Only god knows.. Anyway, I intend to go along with this and get my answer..
